My Award!
I loved my professional career as a social worker supporting individuals with intellectual disabilities and most of those years, serving the elderly in my community nursing homes. I was forced into retirement due to my ALS diagnosis and the disabilities that came along with it. Because social workers make a modest living, it meant, in order to make ends meet, I had to apply for disability benefits.
Applying for disability is a very interesting and long process because it requires tons of paperwork from the doctor validating the terminal illness and or disabilities. Most people who apply for disability tend to get turned down on their first application. That is why there are so many attorneys out there devoted to this specific area. When applying, you have to prove you are disabled, and in my case, have a terminal illness. The process can be very frustrating for the individual and his /her family. However, when finally approved for disability benefits you won’t believe this, the government sent a letter informing me that I am receiving an award. Literally, I’m not joking. At the very top of the letter it says, your award as if, I just won the lottery and I am able to travel the world. Receiving an award letter because I have a terminal illness and I am disabled seems like a slap in the face to me. What do you think? I'm surprised the government doesn’t send along stickers to put on my shirt that say, “I received my award! I'm going to die soon!” Or, “I received my award! I'm disabled and can’t do shit!”
Another interesting thing that happened to me when I had to retire early was people came up to me asking if I was going on welfare. I was a little dumbfounded when this happened, especially since I just received a death sentence. It just seemed so insensitive and a dumb thing to ask. At the time, I didn’t know how to respond because it just threw me off guard. Moving forward though, I had an appropriate answer. No, I am collecting the Social Security benefits that I paid into the government since I started working at the age of 15! I want to be clear. I’m not putting down any governmental assistance programs because they are needed for many people who qualify for it. I just want to point out that there’s a difference between disability Social Security benefits which is solely based on my work history and the payroll taxes I already paid into the Social Security program, which I now only qualify to receive before retirement age because of my disability/illness. While medicaid is a governmental health insurance program only based on limited income and resources.
Now folks, let’s talk about retirement. I worked my whole life supporting my family and my community, and I thought, I can’t wait to have a break and get off the hamster wheel. All my life, I envisioned what retirement would look like. I would be spending retirement with my spouse, and we pretty much would look like all those aging people in the AARP or insurance commercials that show everyone smiling, exercising in a pool, driving a fun car and vacationing. This is exactly what I meant in a previous blog about not living in the moment and always pre planning because for most of us, life never turns out the way we expect. Curveballs are thrown our way. This is specifically why we need to learn how to dance with life because when we think we have everything figured out, it does a sharp turn in another direction that we weren’t anticipating. Nobody is immune to it. Please try to have compassion for the people around you because you never know what they are dealing with. And trust me, everyone is dealing with something! The reality is we live with both blessings and brokenness, challenges and victories, sorrow and joy, and they are all mixed up together.
Now, I do believe there are some people who love retirement and are totally content. However, I was not one who loved the idea of retirement at age 50 for obvious reasons. It's amazing how much my identity was wrapped up into my career until I was no longer able to work. Probably the same for those who have made the decision to retire at retirement age. I have spoken to numerous retirees who felt lost and depressed when they stopped working. From my standpoint, I would say there is a strong potential for a recipe of disaster when retiring without having a plan in place. After completing the retirement bucket list, then sitting there twiddling thumbs and thinking, what do I do now? What is next? What is my purpose? In my case, it was extremely difficult because I could not drive and lost ability with my arms and hands.
Just sit and think for a minute about your daily routine and how you would go about it if you didn’t have arms that could reach out or up. All the hobbies I enjoyed throughout the years required the use of my arms and hands which now greatly limits how I can occupy my time. I recommend retiring to a part-time job, having volunteer opportunities in place or a nice list of hobbies to transition into to see how you like retirement and how you are going to fill your days. Also, please be patient and don’t give up until you find that small job, volunteer opportunity or hobby that fills up your soul because we aren’t guaranteed a retirement. In actuality it is a gift.
I wish retirement turned out differently for me. Because, I would love to independently be able to get in my car, go to a café and sit and sip coffee, bake sweet treats, enjoy gardening, take long walks on beautiful days or just use some of my retirement funds for vacations instead of for my care. However, I must say, I find it beautiful when I talk to individuals who have found that personalized fit that enables them to live their fullest potential in their final stage of life, retirement. I think we have it all backwards. It would be great if we could start out with retirement while we are young, happy and healthy, and then start working later in life until we die. Most people these days are working until they die anyway or retire and they can’t do anything due to their physical, mental health or finances. The golden years aren’t so golden sometimes! Through my many years of supporting elders, I have spoken to numerous individuals who reached old age and say they don’t recommend it.
Copy Of My Disability Award Notice
Sad that survivors of someone who has passed away also get a notice of an award!!! 😢
My retirement party at Landis Homes, April 29, 2022!
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