Where Is My Ice Cream Truck, Balloon Artist, And Bouncy House?

 

One topic people typically don't like to talk about is death and funerals. For some reason, it gives them the heebie-jeebies.  People don't like to think about, or acknowledge, their own mortality. However, I have always found the topic very fascinating from so many standpoints, especially since we all experience the death of a loved one, and we will all die at some point.

While working in local nursing homes, I was exposed to hospice care and the dying process on a weekly basis. Throughout my career as a social worker, I have made many of those Hospice referrals and walked with many individuals and their families on their journey at the end of life. And I loved it! At one point, I was actually considering going back to school to become a funeral director. I contemplated sending resumes to local funeral homes to see if they would consider hiring a social worker to support families through the process and assist with all of the required paperwork. I would also joke, because I have so many social workers, nurses, chemist and business minded people in my family, we definitely could own and operate our own funeral home and be able to employ everyone.

For some of my readers who don't know me, you probably think I must be a morbid person. I'm really not. Unfortunately, that is what most people think about individuals who do work in the funeral industry. They get a bad rap, and people generally say, “Why in the world would you want to work in a funeral home?”I will tell you why I consider going back to school to be a funeral director. It is a time when I was in the most vulnerable and intimate space with people. It becomes a privilege to walk with them through their grief while processing the life of a loved one by reminiscing, discussing the legacy left behind whether good or bad, or maybe healing from past wounds or celebrating the joyful moments.

For individuals who aren’t exposed to the death and dying process, I feel there are a lot of misconceptions out there. For example, it is the common thought we are all here, and then we are gone. This could be the furthest from the truth unless, in some circumstances, death is sudden and unexpected due to accidents, injuries, or medical events. However, according to statistics, most deaths are attributed to lengthier illnesses/diseases with the majority of deaths from the natural aging process. In my experience working with illnesses and the natural aging dying process, I found the dying process to be highly individualized. For example, I could work with someone who was dying and had family sitting by his/her side, holding their hand every minute of the day waiting for the moment their soul leaves this world and as soon as they briefly step out of the room, wham, the individual passes away. Maybe he/she wanted to spare the grief for the family at that specific moment. Or, an individual will be holding on and holding on until the very last family member arrives to say their last respects and then passes with everyone in the room. Some individuals wait to hear permission from a loved one telling them it is okay to go, they will be missed here on earth but their families will be fine. Others may have a spiritual ritual or issues that need to be resolved. There are several other aspects that contribute to the transition of the dying process, such as customs, past experiences and the feeling of the environment they are experiencing in the moment. I have witnessed individuals who are at peace during the dying process, while some were afraid of dying and others were extremely agitated until the very end. The same goes for the family members who are left behind to navigate through the process grief. Some family members are calm while others are highly emotional and want to keep, hoping that death isn't really coming. 

When death does arrive, the body is dealt with so many different ways, pending on your religious customs and where you live. In the US, it is typical to decide on cremation, and/or burial, have eulogies at a funeral service which can be traditional to individualized life celebrations, graveside visitation, and then share a meal with family and friends afterwards. However, there are some very unique ways cultures deal with their dead. Sky burials are common in Tibet among Buddhist, who believe in the value of sending their loved ones’ souls towards heaven. Water burials, especially in Nordic countries, have embraced water in the rituals of choice of their dead from laying coffins atop cliffs faced toward the water to actually using water as a burial ground. In India there are parades through the streets where the bodies are dressed in colors that highlight the virtues of the deceased. Tower of silence is a Zoroastrian tradition in which the body is believed to defile everything and touches including the ground fire, and therefore they raise the corpse to the sky. Ashes to death beads is where South Koreans turn cremation ashes of the deceased into shiny colorful beads and place them inside vases or open dishes. The beads then take the center stage inside the home. In some areas they open the tomb every few years and re-wrapped their loved ones of fresh burial clothes. This is why I find death and dealing with a dead to be very interesting topic.

Some of you maybe confused as hell by the title of this blog, where is my ice cream truck, balloon artist, and bouncy house? What do these things have to do with death and dying? Well, actually, it is a personal story, one that involves wonderful neighbors and a birthday celebration for their young daughter. While experiencing the birthday celebration with great food, watching the kids on bouncy houses with waterslides, a balloon artist appeared and began making balloon dogs, giraffes, cars, you name it. Then the cherry on the top for the festivities was the ice cream truck arriving down our cul-de-sac with the whistling sound of the ice cream bells. Kids running and screaming in every direction towards the sound wanting to be first in line. I thought about how wonderful is to be young and carefree, enjoying what is happening in the moment. I just got a sense of joy and I'm in observing it all. I thought now this is the way I want my family and friends to experience my funeral with fun and enjoyment versus wearing black, listening to sad music and looking somber. I want it to be a life celebration because when it's my time to die, I'll be ready and at peace. When I mentioned to my family I wanted balloon dogs made by a balloon artist, bouncy houses and an ice cream truck at my funeral, they thought I was crazy and rightly so! I thought it was funny! Some of my friends were on board though because I started to receive balloon dog memorabilia as gifts. Also, I want to note that I have always enjoyed going out to have ice cream with my family and friends. Ice cream always brightens up the day, brings people together, and makes us smile. Maybe the bouncy houses and the balloon artist won't arrive for my funeral, but my family better make sure ice cream is served! Because who doesn't love ice cream?

PS: By the way, as a side note, I'm glad my girls did not live at home during this birthday celebration next-door because they would've felt gypped out in their childhood. I would've never heard the end of it!

My blog picture was taken of me in May 2017–for those of you who have worked with me at UZ, do you remember when I served soft ice cream out of my office window to the residents that I adored sitting on the front porch?

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